Honestly, Why?

Honestly, I don't know what else to say.
Honestly, I don't know what else to pray.
Are my prayers falling on deaf ears?
I have said all I know to say.
Why have You not done what I thought was Your will?

Honestly, I know You're more than enough.
But honestly, I still feel like something's missing.
Why do I want more?
Is my faith too weak?
If I was made for more,
Why is more so hard to get?
Is there something wrong with me?
What is wrong with me?

Every Time

I've been here before
Surrendering it all
Every time.

"But it's different this time"
That's what I say
Every time.

With all my heart, I repent
I sincerely intend to fervently pursue Your heart
Every time.

But I will fall again
I do
Every time.

Still Your grace covers me
I don't understand it - but it does
Every time.

Mercy awaits me
With loving, open arms
Every time.

Lies

When I believe the devil's lies

I spit in the face of mercy.

I scream mocking words of scorn

At the One who loves me most strongly.

But He doesn't hurl back insults.

"Father, forgive them"

Is His only response.

I pause, perplexed by this demonstration of mercy.

Moments later, I continue screaming.

Again, "Father, forgive them."

I am driven to repentance

But not before the sting of my sin has been felt.

"It is finished."
But what is "it"?
What is finished?
It seems obvious - Jesus has breathed His last.
But that can't be all - there has to be more.
Could it be the completion of a promise?
Yes - I can now believe his truth
Instead of giving into Satan's lies.